Principles of Boredom
by doublemetalaxis
Summary: A bunch of crack drabbles I wrote in my Principles of Biomedical Science class. This story is really just an outlet of my boredom. :P The coming chapter will be rated M! This is for all series, so there may be more for other series.
1. The Actual Title Was Way Too Long

Black butler belongs to Toboso-sensei and FUNimation. Not me. ;-;

This story contains spoilers, which make it more aerodynamic and more easily maneuverable around curves in the road.

* * *

Once upon a time, there lived a boy named Ciel Phantomhive. He had a butler named Sebastian. But the maid called him Seabass. She likes him. Ciel sold his soul to Sebastian for revenge. He angsted all the time and then slacked off on work and ate cakes and chocolate, but somehow he's not fat. The day will come. So then Ciel and Sebastian had magical adventures fighting crime and baking extravagant pastries, and there was also a little bit of crossdressing but don't ever mention that around Ciel. So anyway, then this blond shota appeared and had a shota battle with Ciel, but then his shorts were too short and his socks were too high so he lost miserably. And then his butler tasted Ciel's blood and just kinda stood there for about ten minutes while he was coming down from his high on Ciel's delicious shota soul. So his poor abused maid Hannah tried to tend to the gaping hole in his stomach but then he just yelled at her and asked for Claude. His one true love. Then Claude ended up killing him and turning him into a ring. Then everyone else died except Sebastian and Ciel, who lived out the rest of their days in beautiful harmonious love. THE END

OMAKEEEE

So Claude was in the kitchen one time n Alois texted him. Even though texting didn't exist yet because it was the magical year of 1889, Claude used his demon magic and they both had iPhone 9s. He was like "Claaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude wut r u doin"

"Aloois I m tryin 2 wark"

"But I need u wit me"

"U shud b tryin 2 wark 2"

"But wark is boringgggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg "

"Well 2 bad aloos. my wark is boring but i do it nyway"

"but i rly need u claude, i want u"

"aloos..."

So Claude went upstairs to Alois's room, thoroughly exasperated, and gave the boy what he wanted.

END


	2. Attack On Crack Part 1

I do not own Attack On Titan, sadly. In any case, I'm starting to question my sanity: this might be the most weeb-y crackfic I've ever written. I'm not sorry. ENJOY BITCHESSSSS

* * *

Once upon a time in the land of magical unicorns and yaoi everywhere there lived a certain neat-freak, apathetic, violent, short Lance Corporal named Levi. One day as he was scrubbing his entire house there came a knock at the door. "Who could it be?" He wondered. "They better have clean hands so that my door is not dirty. I've almost cleaned it fifteen times by now just because people kept touching it." Suddenly he heard the voice of his fantabulastic Teen Titan Eren from outside. "Let me in, I am cold and also a titan," Eren communicated telepathically to him and roared. "You can't be cold you idiot it's 110 degrees outside, if you used a dark enough surface and some metal you could literally fry something on the street." Levi protested unconvincingly, opening the door anyway and staring at the gigantic foot that was crushing his cotton candy doorstep. "But my body temperature can boil water almost instantly, why should I not be cold?" Roared Eren as he gave his superior/boyfriend sugoi desu-desu animu eyes. Suddenly his enormous Titan body collapsed and the human Eren emerged from the smoldering corpse in slow motion, shaking out his hair as he ripped his hands out of its neck. Sparkles flew from him and beautiful sexy saxophone music played in the background while he adjusted his 3D Maneuver Gear straps and approached Levi's doorstep. "Eren, you idiot, look at what you did to my garden of kawaii candy," Levi said and hit him on the head. A unicorn pranced by and cried rainbow tears at the state of the garden, which was being steamed as Teen Titan's corpse disintegrated. All the cotton candy suddenly was stuck together, which of course is when cotton candy starts getting bad. "I'm so sorry Heichou, please forgive me," said Eren as his fantabulastic hands pulled Levi closer to him. Levi felt his heart go doki doki and blushed bright neon pink. "I forgive you," he said and Eren magically kissed him. Everyone in the land cried tears of happiness, except for Mikasa and Armin because they both had huge crushes on Eren. They cried tears of jealousy because they did not get any Disney moments with kawaii Eren desu. Then Levi and Eren made the yaois and everyone lived happily ever after, even Mikasa and Armin because they videotaped it and then ended up being fujoshis together and also got married. THE END


	3. This Is A Filler Chapter

OMG EREN WHY

SCREAMED LEVI LOUDLY IN SHOUTY CAPITALS

THIS PLACE IS FILTHY AND THERE'S MUD EVERYWHERE

I CAN'T FIND MY CLEANING SUPPLIES

WTF DID U DO YOU BRAT

IS THIS UR SISTER'S DOING

TELL ME WHERE SHE IS RIGHT NOW

I AM SO DONE WITH U BOTH RIGHT NOW

Im sorry heichou

Eren apologized and bowed deeply

GET UP U WEEB LIKE SRSLY

THIS DOES NOT MAKE UP FOR TAKING MY STUFF

ok that was mikasa I swear heichou

JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE MY FAVORITE AND I LOVE U DOES NOT MEAN I WON'T END U TITAN BOY

wait u love me heichou

omg im so happy

I love u too levi heichou

DON'T YOU HEICHOU ME

Too late, eren died of happiness

* * *

This was a filler chapter to keep u happy while I worked on the ;) ;) next ;) ;) chapter

It's pretty good *wink wonk*

Im trying okey


End file.
